ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Do kids really listen when parents talk? Nature vs. Nurture?

Updated on November 24, 2010

Does talking make a difference?

Everywhere you go you hear these words, "Talk to your children, it's the anti-drug, the anti-sex, the anti-drinking".  Ok, perhaps it's not phrased exactly like that, but you get my point.  Basically, the world tells us if we "TALK" to our kids, they will NOT do drugs, they will NOT drink, they will NOT have sex before marriage (or at the least will use protection!). 

My question to all of you is this: Do you really think talking to your children about these issues makes a difference or not?

I realize right now at minimum half of you reading this think I'm an idiot.  Of course talking to your children is a good thing and it helps is what you're probably thinking.  And, in some instances you are probably 100% correct.  What I'm trying to make my point on is that sometimes YOU would be wrong.  (YOU being the people that think talking ALWAYS changes how your children see things, and will always prevent them from doing said bad things, if the talk is handled properly....not everyone reading this!) 

I won't disclose any confidences in this hub, nor will I give you titillating little stories to entertain you (Perhaps another time), but I will say loosely "In my experience", this approach makes little to no difference if a child is so-inclined.

I began, literally, to discuss not smoking, drinking, or using drugs to my two sons when they were in their high chairs.  I myself do not smoke, have never smoked, and since divorcing their biological father, have not allowed anyone to smoke in my home.  Yet, I have two sons that both like to smoke,  Granted, the oldest is not at the moment smoking, as he's trying to "quit", but he's resorted to tobacco chewing (which I never did either I might add! LOL), so that doesn't really count as "quitting" tobacco altogether now does it?  So does that go back to the "nature" thing?  Is it their "nature" to smoke because their biological father smokes?  Or is because I failed to "nurture" them properly?

Studies have shown:

1.  Adoptive children share a personality closer to their biological parents then to their              adoptive parents.

2.  Environmental factors seem to have no bearing on personality development.

3.  However, adoptive parents do have an influence on their adopted child's values, faith, politics, and attitude.

There are numerous studies on this subject, and depending on whom you talk to you'd probably get different opinions, but I am interested in hearing what some of you believe, and why.

As I said before, I won't go into the "dirty" laundry on here, suffice to say there is more to the story than merely smoking cigarettes.  :)  And part of the reason I'm keeping a huge part of it to myself is the fear of ridicule.  One of the other things I have a very hard time hearing from people is the phrase "A child lives what it sees or learns", or something along those lines.  I divorced their biological father (and you'll notice I use that phrase though out this article, as I do not feel the term "Dad" should be handed out lightly, and he is not one to them, but that's for another "rant"), but I got them out of the house at an early age so they would NOT grow up to watch drinking, smoking, and intermittent drug use.  I do not do any of those things, and did not want my boys to grow up thinking those things were alright.  In all fairness, I have on occasion had a wine cooler, just never been drunk, so they didn't witness it in my home.  Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect, that's not my point in this article, just saying they did not witness those types of transgressions in my house.  If we're talking about their temper, or their hatred of chores, THOSE are my fault!  I take full blame for those!

Anyway, lest I lose you from boredom, I will end this now.  But please share your feelings on this subject with me.  Thank you, and good luck with your "talks" with your kids!

Do you think talking to your children helps prevent drug use?

See results
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)